Monday, July 25, 2011

Letting Go Of The Past

For the last 13 years I have been toting around shoe boxes crammed full of high school stuff.  I have tried many times over the years to purge it but I couldn't bring myself to do it.  I thoroughly enjoyed high school and have a lot of great memories of my 4 years at PMSS.  I wasn't ready to let go of the physical memories... until today.

Today I finally did it.  I went through the 4 shoe boxes I have and emptied 2 of them (the 2 remaining shoe boxes have photos, diaries and some odds and ends, which I will go through at a later point and organize into a better system).  There is a 5th shoe box but I'm sure Danny won't complain about me keeping it since it contains stuff from when we started dating. 

I easily admit I am a packrat; I have a hard time throwing out things, more so with items that have a sentimental value.  With the move from the Okanagan to the coast I didn't pack the house.  I was ready to pop at any moment when I started my mat leave.  The things I could pack I still needed and the things I couldn't lift or reach were the items that could have been packed early.  So, after Alyssa was born Danny and my sister spent the next 7 days packing the entire house.  Danny begged, pleaded and rationalized with me in attempt to thrown stuff out then but I just couldn't do it, I wasn't ready.  Once I started to unpack I was able to toss a few things but the majority of it stayed.  With this move I'm doing all the packing so I'm able to look at things and make a decision about keeping or tossing.  I tried about 2 weeks ago to go through the boxes but Lynden was wanting to "help" and it wasn't working so I put them back into the closet with the intent to try again the next day.  It took a bit longer but it was worth it. 

I'm a little sad to have tossed the physical memories of a time in my life where I came into my own, but it feels good to know I was able to do it (I won't end up as a hoarder).  I chuckled as I read old notes (tossed), smiled as I read old school newspapers I had written articles for (kept), laughed at the underwear everyone signed for my 14th birthday and remembered that started when we gave another friend a signed bra for his birthday (kept), unfolded random newspaper articles about hockey, music or anything funny (tossed), frowned when I came across something my highschool not-so-sweetheart gave me (tossed), and found more concert ticket stubs (kept, as I keep all my concert and movie stubs).

I even went through my clothes and got rid of most of it (doesn't fit anymore and gave in to the fact I probably won't again or decided it was too young for it as I am about to be officially in my late twenties and want to dress better in my post pregnancy body which I quite like... for the most part). 

It feels good to release some of my past.  The last 18 months have been very challenging for me and the move down here was to help us get a new start and get rid of some of our demons.  It has helped push us in the right direction but we're not quite there.  I'm using this move as a marker for our new beginning and you can't have a start over if you're still living in the past.

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