Thursday, July 12, 2012

Baby #3

No, I'm not pregnant; this is about the topic of baby #3. 

The topic of baby #3 has come up a few times since we got pregnant with Alyssa. 

Danny is quite happy with having one of each, he feels we have a good balance.  He also feels like it's more work for him if we have another.  I didn't quite see his reasoning; I figure he has fun the first night and holds my hand and tells me I'm going a good job 9 months later.  He reminded me that for the first 3 months he'd be in change of both kids - guess that's more work... I guess.  Either way, Danny is done.

Realistically, I know the chance of us having a third are slim to nil.  Part of me is okay with that.  We do have a "complete set", we're happy, and on track to recovering (financially) from the life changes we're gone through in the last 2 years.  It's also nice to have two fairly independent kids; Alyssa's able to be left over night and we're about to start potty training.  It's nice to be done with the "baby" stage.

But...

It was no secret I wanted 3 kids.

I'm at the point where the memory of labour and infancy was dissipated and has been replaced with the knowledge of what life was like. 

For example:
  • I know labour hurt but I don't remember the pain.
  • I know when Alyssa was 5 weeks old she ate all. night. long. for 5 weeks.  I know I was tired but I don't remember how tired I was. 
  • I know Alyssa went through a phase where she would be awake from 10pm until 1 or 2am.  I don't remember the frustration. 
This is a dangerous time as a mom.  You now how tough, exhausting, and tiring it was but you remember the baby/toddler who is happy, eats well, sleeps through the night (more of the time), and is relatively easy. 

It's around this time we have this horrible, yet good, idea: "let's have another baby".

At times I think "yea, we can have another and stay afloat" but then I think "why should we just stay afloat when we can get ahead again?".  A third baby would require a lot of change.  We would need a larger house; where would be put all the toys??  We would also need a bigger car; fitting 3 car seats requires more room. 

Then I think about Lynden starting preschool in the fall and how that leads to extra curricular activities; swimming, hockey, scouts, etc.  Can we really afford this with another round of diapers?

But...

I had a hard time finding out Alyssa was a girl.  Don't get me wrong, I love her with every fiber of my being.  I really wanted another boy. 

Having said that I cannot imagine my life without my daughter.  Every day I fall more and more in love with her. 

One big concern I have about another baby is the middle child syndrome.  I would hate to have it happen to my beautiful girl.  So, if we were to have another child I would really want it to be a boy. 

This solves the middle child problem and it gives Lynden a brother.  There are a lot of female cousins around Alyssa's age to make up for the missing sister.

If we did have a boy how long until I'd feel like I'm robbing Alyssa of a sister and find myself here again?  Ooh, the slippery slope...

There are too many uncontrollable factors for me and I like control.  Shocking, I know. 

Like I said, realistically I know we're done and Danny is waiting for me to say "okay, go get a vasectomy".

Even though I know we're (99.99%) done I cannot bring myself to finalize it.

But...

How can you not want to hold another one of these??

Lynden 1 day old
Alyssa hours old
 How did you finalize your decision to be done having more kids?  Have you made the decision?

26 comments:

  1. I feel like you just read my mind. Well sort of. My daughter is almost 27 months old, and sometimes have similar thoughts. If I could be a SAHM, I think there'd be about 50% chance we would have another baby, but right now, I'm 99.99% sure we are done. One and done. Part of that makes me sad.

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    1. I'm a part time SAHM and unless we win the lotto we're done. It's a hard thing to admit.

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  2. Thank you for stopping by the blog hop and linking up. Also, thanks for the follow. I followed you back as well. :)

    Jess

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  3. Hey, great blog! I'm a new GFC from the hop.
    So nice to "meet you"! :)
    Sarah

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  4. I can totally relate to the whole thing about not remembering how much labour hurt and the horrible newborn stage. I always say that I won't be ready for another one until I forget how bad the pain was and until I forget how bad the newborn stage was. My daughter is only 9 months old so these experiences are still fresh in my mind and I am nowhere near ready to even think about another one yet!
    Laura

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    1. I found it was around the 15 month mark with both kids. It's dangerous not remembering

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  5. Beautiful babies! Thanks so much for linking up to Fabulous Fridays. :)

    Julie

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  6. I have one child and I have always wanted only one. I never had to think about again. I found you on Social Media Hop and i am now a follower. Come by and visit. https://www.facebook.com/TheSexySingleMommy
    www.thesexysinglemommy.com

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    Replies
    1. It's nice when you know how many you want. That's half my problem ;o)

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  7. Hi Amanda, I'm visiting you from the Hop Along hop. I can totally relate to what you're saying. I had a little girl first and I was shocked when I was told that I was having a boy second. I already had a girl's name picked before we even knew the sex! Now, I can't imagine my life without him. <3 I had pre-eclampsia with my first, I then had an ectopic and then my son came along with no issues. I figured a fourth pregnancy was too risky for me, so the decision was easy - we were done after my little guy.

    I'm now following you via Networked Blogs, Pinterest, GFC, and Linky.

    Just wanted to leave you a quick word to make sure you've seen our Summer Reading Weekly Book Giveaway. We are giving away free children's books all summer long and the giveaways are open internationally. Week #2 is ON! Thanks so much and have a great week. Cheers, Renee

    http://motherdaughterbookreviews.com/summer-reading-weekly-book-giveaways-week-2/

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Renee, I will go on over and check it out. It's amazing how we get it in our minds one way but the universe seems to know what's best for us. I truly cannot imagine my life without my girl (and son!)

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  8. Hi, I liked this post so much! I linked this to my latest post but I'm not sure if I was also supposed to back link it to your site or something! Do let me know!!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the link. I'm glad you enjoyed my post

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  9. Ah come hang out with my newborn for a while! You'll get your baby fix :) I know we are done. Sure there is the thought of maybe i'll have a girl, but then I'd have 3. And my husband and I both agreed on only 2. Its enough for us to handle. I am happy with 2 boys, I can always spoil my niece's if I want girl time

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  10. Lovin the babies - popped in on the blog hop.

    Give me a visit some time at thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

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  11. I'm a newly subscribed follower via Feed Me Friday! (http://LearningWithMom.wordpress.com)

    Regarding this post:
    I have always wanted a big family. (I'm the oldest of 4 and that's considered big over here in New york City!) But, I mean I'm like the 5 or 6 kid mom. My husband is NOT the 5 or 6 kid dad. We have two girls 15 mths apart. Not our plan; totally God's! But, my husband was very reluctant to think of having another and now he's ok with it. We'll be trying for our 3rd later this yr. I think it was due to lots of prayer and knowing that God wants to give us another (possibly a son this time!). However, it's very individual and not everyone will change their minds. I'm pretty sure we'll be done after #3 and I'd like 3 more!! T__T But, then there's always adoption.... ;-)

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    1. Welcome!!

      It really is different for everyone. I know that when we make the final decision to stay at 2 I will be happy with it. I have 2 beautiful and healthy children; nothing is better than that. Except maybe 3.... LOL

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  12. I had 3 sons - would of liked more but a divorce came and split up our family a few years later. I love children and happen to also be a Nanny. I've been a childcare professional for many many years! So all my past children are like family to me now. (And their parents)

    I"m doing my hopping and just hopped on yours - I'm a follower now. Hope you will follow me back. Have a great weekend.

    http://vintageboomer.blogspot.com/

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  13. I know how you feel. I was totally done at 2. Then, 4 years latter I felt so strong that we needed to have another. And that didn't go away until I had 4. So I have to big kids and 2 littles. The big thing was not to push, too hard. If it's meant to be your hubs will came around.

    I'm giving you a blogging award, of sorts if you are inclined to except.
    http://citygirlgoneranchmama.blogspot.com/2012/07/fabulously-fabulous.html

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    1. That's exactly it. We joke about it quite often but I wouldn't ever go against his wishes. It's a joint decision and we need to agree or there's no point.

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