Baby #3

No, I'm not pregnant; this is about the topic of baby #3. 

The topic of baby #3 has come up a few times since we got pregnant with Alyssa. 

Danny is quite happy with having one of each, he feels we have a good balance.  He also feels like it's more work for him if we have another.  I didn't quite see his reasoning; I figure he has fun the first night and holds my hand and tells me I'm going a good job 9 months later.  He reminded me that for the first 3 months he'd be in change of both kids - guess that's more work... I guess.  Either way, Danny is done.

Realistically, I know the chance of us having a third are slim to nil.  Part of me is okay with that.  We do have a "complete set", we're happy, and on track to recovering (financially) from the life changes we're gone through in the last 2 years.  It's also nice to have two fairly independent kids; Alyssa's able to be left over night and we're about to start potty training.  It's nice to be done with the "baby" stage.

But...

It was no secret I wanted 3 kids.

I'm at the point where the memory of labour and infancy was dissipated and has been replaced with the knowledge of what life was like. 

For example:

• I know labour hurt but I don't remember the pain.
• I know when Alyssa was 5 weeks old she ate all. night. long. for 5 weeks.  I know I was tired but I don't remember how tired I was. 
• I know Alyssa went through a phase where she would be awake from 10pm until 1 or 2am.  I don't remember the frustration. 

This is a dangerous time as a mom.  You now how tough, exhausting, and tiring it was but you remember the baby/toddler who is happy, eats well, sleeps through the night (more of the time), and is relatively easy. 

It's around this time we have this horrible, yet good, idea: "let's have another baby".

At times I think "yea, we can have another and stay afloat" but then I think "why should we just stay afloat when we can get ahead again?".  A third baby would require a lot of change.  We would need a larger house; where would be put all the toys??  We would also need a bigger car; fitting 3 car seats requires more room. 

Then I think about Lynden starting preschool in the fall and how that leads to extra curricular activities; swimming, hockey, scouts, etc.  Can we really afford this with another round of diapers?

But...

I had a hard time finding out Alyssa was a girl.  Don't get me wrong, I love her with every fiber of my being.  I really wanted another boy. 

Having said that I cannot imagine my life without my daughter.  Every day I fall more and more in love with her. 

One big concern I have about another baby is the middle child syndrome.  I would hate to have it happen to my beautiful girl.  So, if we were to have another child I would really want it to be a boy. 

This solves the middle child problem and it gives Lynden a brother.  There are a lot of female cousins around Alyssa's age to make up for the missing sister.

If we did have a boy how long until I'd feel like I'm robbing Alyssa of a sister and find myself here again?  Ooh, the slippery slope...

There are too many uncontrollable factors for me and I like control.  Shocking, I know. 

Like I said, realistically I know we're done and Danny is waiting for me to say "okay, go get a vasectomy".

Even though I know we're (99.99%) done I cannot bring myself to finalize it.

But...

How can you not want to hold another one of these??

Lynden 1 day old

Alyssa hours old

 How did you finalize your decision to be done having more kids?  Have you made the decision?