Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Dear Orchid

Dear Orchid,

You poor thing.  You didn't really stand a chance.  Here you were, sitting in a store a little over a year ago thinking "wow, this good looking guy is buying me to take home to his loving wife for her birthday.  What a lucky gal.  I'm going to be so happy." 

Oh, you poor thing.

You didn't know what you were getting yourself into or else you would have hid.  I am sorry I don't have a green thumb... or anything that could be mistaken for any gardening talent. 

You see, I was once given an African Violet from that same good looking guy and when he brought it home I said "thank you, I'm going to kill it" and lived up to that promise.  In less than 2 weeks.  I don't even know how that happens.

I was then given a small rose bush from a friend of mine about a month later.  Again I said "thank you, I'm going to kill it", but after feeling so bad about the previous plant I was determined to try a lot harder. 

Oh, I miss that rose bush.  We were both determined.  It survived being dumped numerous times by my cat (it eventually had 1/3 of the dirt it came with), who also enjoyed munching on it when she could.  When it became warmer out I put it on the deck to get more sun (and save it from that pesky cat - it's a good thing she was cute).  With the sun also came wind, lots of wind.  That poor plant fought with everything it had to survive having even less dirt.  After about 6 months it finally gave up, and I could not blame it. 

I've tried growing herbs and small vegetables, all with no luck.  (I've been told I under water, I've been I over water, I'm just lost)

After that I told people no more plants.  Flowers, fine (they die anyways) but no more plants.  I tried to protect all future living plants from entering my world of doom. 

So, I was surprised when you, my orchid, were gifted to me.  I was told you were chosen because I only had to water you about once a month. 

I read the little info sheet you came with and tried to keep you alive. 

It took about 10 weeks for you to lose all your flowers.  I googled (and pinned) articles on how to grow your flowers back and followed those instructions with no luck. 

There you have sat, on my window sill, doing nothing, for almost a year.  Then, about 3 months ago I noticed some new grown under the leaves (which is impressive since I hadn't watered you in way too long.  I won't say how long in fear of having you taken by an orchid protection society). 

Then, the week before last I noticed this

new growth!

my flowerless orchid
Does anyone know what's growing out the bottom?
Are they roots?
Should I be repotting?

Orchid, what the heck?!?!?  I watered you last week for the first time in Way too long (seriously folks, months upon months) and you have new growth?  Possibly new flowers?  What the heck?!?!?  It's been a year! 

You are not encouraging me to take care of plants if this is what happens when I ignore them. 

I am super excited to see what's going to blossom; feel free to hurry it up. 

And, I promise to go back to caring about you and trying to keep from having to wait so long to see your pretty flowers again. 


Your gardening-challenged owner

P.S. If any readers out there can give me tips on keeping it alive and healthy please share.  I don't know if I should be moving it to a larger planter or not - the last ones I transplanted died of shock, which was a shame because one of them was my tomato plant from Rikki (from the Covert Blog Swap) and I managed to grow it from the seeds. 


  1. Oh I have NO idea but TOO funny! I am the same way.. I do ok with my outside vegetable garden (just ok..) but house plants are doomed. I too finally got one that you only have to water once a month.. I just pulled about 10 dead stems off... oye

    1. I think we should make it the kids' job to remind us ;o)

  2. Oh my goodness...hilarious. I have the exact same problem. If you have success with your ignored orchid, after having lavished it with love and having it peril, let me know. I would love to get one!

    1. They certainly are pretty but I think next time I need a silk one ;o)

  3. First do not feel bad. I have been told that orchids are some of the HARDEST to keep alive (despite only needing to water once a month) and it is an art to do so. I have been gifted two and within weeks they are bare and naked.

    I too have a black thumb. Come winter I tell my outdoor plants "Live or Die. It's your choice" and then each spring I'm pleasantly surprised if/when new buds come up.

    I also wanted to make sure you knew about my newest giveaway (I promise it's not a plant)? I'm giving YOU presents for MY birthday! How cool is that? http://msmorgansrealitycheck.blogspot.com/2013/01/celebration-giveaway.html

    1. I was told that too... after I had it. I think I need a cactus ;o)

  4. hilarious post... i hope your orchid lives! i cannot keep plants alive either :(